Sometimes we take selfish actions with selfless intentions.
One of the major things I learnt about myself in 2022 is I have a special gift for putting myself last. I don't even mean to do it, but I would prioritise everyone and everything that was outside of me. I'm not angry at my ability to care about other people because it positively represents my character, however, when I was curled in a ball for 7 days crying because of exhaustion I knew something had to change.
So I made a promise to myself to put me first and went about reorganising my life based on how I wanted to live and what made me happy. It feels good, I'll be honest, to be able to say I'm living for me. I'm growing and choosing my happiness everytime. However, I can't help but notice the little voice of guilt in my head that says I'm wrong for being selfish and passed judgment on whatever I choose to make me happy in a given moment.
There's two things I want to address here:
First, you always hear "you can't pour from an empty cup" or "you can't run a car with no gas". You nod in agreement and decide you're gonna schedule in some much needed fun/rest, but something comes up. In my case it tends to be work or helping out with a project of some sort, but it could be anything. I understand my privilege here being young, self-employed, single with no kids or dependent family, but we all experience this in our own way.
Here is your reminder to schedule in that much deserved "me time" to prevent burning out. Even before you get to that stage, you have to remember that when you take your much deserved downtime, you are recharging your battery which allows you to show up to your responsibilities in your best energy. I call this "being selfish to be selfless" because naturally we want to give, but we have to give to ourselves first.
The second thing I want to address is the self judgement. There is no blueprint to life or guide of things which will make you happy or bring you peace. The only way to figure it out is by being yourself, knowing yourself and learning yourself. In my opinion (which is just that - my opinion) as long as you're not bringing harm to yourself or others, you are free to choose whatever makes you happy. Plus you glow and shine differently when you're truly happy, so choose you!
So in a short summary - choose yourself and your happiness because you deserve it and it works out for the greater good of the planet.
Until next time - respect & love
Ebony x